


Aren't We Just Terrified?

by AlexxWrites



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everyone Is Alive, Kieran is pissed and rightfully so, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:22:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexxWrites/pseuds/AlexxWrites
Summary: One particularly sleepless night, Arthur leaves his room at Shady Belle to go sit by the fire, deep in thought.What he wasn't expecting was to find Kieran already there, a fire burning within his eyes, infuriated and unhinged.Turns out the two of them have some worries they'd like to get off their chest. Some things to say. And what better way to do that than late at night with no one else around to hear.
Relationships: Kieran Duffy/Arthur Morgan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	Aren't We Just Terrified?

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from the song Roslyn by Bon Iver & St. Vincent, which I associate with this particular fic.
> 
> *TW for brief descriptions of injury and violence*

Arthur stared up at the ceiling, miserable, for what felt like hours on end. He had been hoping and praying to whoever'll hear him to just let him drift off. Even if just for an hour or two. Anything was better than this. 

The bare walls and ceiling had begun to get tiresome to look at ages ago, and the silence reverberating throughout the house was deafening. _Maddening_. It made everything feel so hopeless and desolate, as if he were the last lonely son of a bitch on the planet, doomed to a lifetime of nothing but his own thoughts. Constantly nagging and rattling around inside his head like a fly you just can't seem to kill. 

_God_ , he thought, _I really should be used to this_. 

Arthur Morgan was no stranger to insomnia. And he was certainly no stranger to overthinking. So why the _hell_ he was so surprised now... 

The gang had been struggling. _Terribly_. Between the O'Driscolls and the Pinkertons and the Braithwaites and, _Jesus_ , everything else? Arthur had been trying to chalk it up as a rough patch. Trying to convince himself that they had always _struggled_. It just wasn't working anymore. 

And that truly scared him. Like nothing else in this world. 

After way too long, he finally decided to get up. Even if there was nothing for him to do but wander aimlessly until morning, as he had done many times before, that was better than lying there doing nothing. 

* * *

It was a beautiful summer night. One of those that makes you want to relax in a field somewhere, listening to the sounds of mother nature around you without a care in the world. The trees swayed and rattled softly, the warm coastal breeze like a loving embrace. From the surrounding marsh came a symphony of crickets, birds, and frogs, their call loud but not necessarily unpleasant. The moon was particularly big and bright, as well as the thousands of stars scattered amongst the vast, clear sky, each one shining and shimmering brilliantly. It was all so beautiful and calm, contradictory to the current state of uncertainty that seemed to linger around the camp like a haze.

Arthur realized as soon as he stepped out onto the porch, feeling the wind caress his skin, that it was a perfect night to draw. 

Reaching down and grabbing his journal and stick pencil from his satchel, he made his way over to the fire. He figured that he would be able to get a better view of the sky over the nearby field. Not once did he take into consideration that someone else may be awake. At least, not someone who would _bother_ him at all. 

It was then that he looked up to see none other than Kieran Duffy hunched over on a log by the fire. The _gang's_ fire, not the little one they kept over by the water for whoever was on lookout duty. The scrawny ex O'Driscoll rarely ever joined the gang at the main campfire, usually choosing to keep his distance in the hopes that the more _disagreeable_ of them stayed away. Arthur had only ever seen him there when he came back into camp one day to find Kieran sharing his story with Sean. That and, of course, the time Sean almost knocked his head off for supposedly mispronouncing Colm's name not five minutes after properly meeting him (Arthur was delighted, to say the least). 

He just hoped that Kieran wouldn't try to start a conversation. He didn't seem to be very good at it. 

Once Arthur got close enough for his presence to become known, Kieran looked up from the fire and stared him straight in the eyes, his face stern and his gaze intense. Pale green clashes with sky blue. Arthur's breath hitches in his throat for a moment, taken aback. _Since when did Kieran look people in the eyes?_

Not really knowing what to say, Arthur silently slips into the chair across from him, flipping to an empty page and focusing on the quivering trees. Kieran goes back to watching the flames, although he looks up every so often as if he wants to say something. After a few minutes, he does.

"Can't sleep?" 

Arthur was almost startled by the sound of his voice. 

"I- uh, not really." he said, still looking away. Suddenly it was hard to concentrate on drawing.

Kieran hummed in response, leaning back a little, before adding "Well I sure as shit can't."

It was no surprise, really. Kieran was the second one they almost lost within the same damn week. First it was Sean who unknowingly moved at just the right time to avoid a bullet to the head (Predictably, he had acted like it didn't bother him after the fact, but Arthur could see that he was horrified). About two or so days later, the night of Jack's party, Kieran disappeared. Arthur felt terribly guilty about it now, but at the time he assumed that he had finally moved on. Mary-Beth was the only one to care enough to even question it. It was only because of the recurring O'Driscoll sightings near camp that they realized what had happened. Arthur, Charles, John, and Javier had been the ones to find and interrogate one of the O'Driscoll spies on Kieran's whereabouts. They had taken him to the same place they had taken Arthur (he shuddered at the memory), and the four of them rode out as quickly as they could in the hopes that he was still alive. 

They found him in the cellar, his wrists chained together above his head. He was alive but hurt. _Bad_. Bruises, gashes, and burns littered his torso, arms, and legs. He had two nasty looking black eyes, and an awful mixture of blood, snot, and spit ran down his nose and mouth. He barely even reacted when Charles and Javier released him from his bind and carried him out, placing his arms around their shoulders to keep him supported. They ended up putting him on the back of Arthur's horse while John and Javier rode ahead to make sure there were no threats and Charles led Branwen alongside Taima. Once they made it back they put him in John's tent to recover. Thankfully, they had rescued him before any fatal damage could be done, as his injuries were clearly just the start of things to come. 

That was a few days ago. Kieran had insisted on getting up within not even two days of being back, and here he was now. A raging fire in his eyes that just wasn't there before. A bitter resentment for the world and its unfairness. It reminded Arthur of how he felt when he first got back to Clemen's Point after scarcely escaping Colm. The first coherent thought he had once he came to was " _Why didn't anyone save me?_ ", and even though they had saved Kieran in the end, Arthur didn't hesitate to let it slip that they didn't know he had been taken. No one really blamed Kieran for being upset, after all he had told them time and time again that he had nowhere else to go.

Arthur, coming back to reality, closed his journal and set it aside. He turned to face Kieran now, the two of them looking at each other over the crackling blaze. 

"Somethin' on your mind?" Arthur drawled, already knowing the answer but unsure of whether or not he would get a straight one. In the past it was a hit or miss trying to get their used-to-be captive to carry a dialogue, but lately he was always so angry. Maybe now that it was just the two of them, he would talk about it some. 

Kieran sighed and rubbed his face, screwing his eyes shut for a few seconds. 

"What's going on, Arthur?" 

Arthur tried his best to mask his own fear, at least for the time being. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean what's been going on around here? Everything's goin' to hell and I _know_ you see it."

Arthur stared blankly ahead, a far away look in his eyes, and softly declared "I don't know." 

Kieran glared at him in disbelief. As if he were expecting Dutch's supposed right hand man to have answers. 

"I mean ever since Horseshoe it's been one thing after the other! Government men, those damned Grays, Catherine Braithwaite and her pack of inbreds, _Colm_?” he exclaimed, gesturing wildly. "I mean where does it all end?"

Arthur honestly hadn't known that Kieran had payed that much attention. The first and last time they included him in the gang's affairs was when he led them to Six Point, ultimately saving Arthur's life and demanding himself one of their own. After that he tended to the horses exclusively, never being asked for his opinion or to go with them on a job. But it wasn't his understanding of the gang's recent troubles that stunned him, it was Kieran's tone. If this conversation would have taken place a week ago, Arthur was sure that he wouldn't have raised his voice like this. Not that he hadn't stood up for himself quite a few times, but he wasn't stupid either. He was clearly dead set on avoiding conflict as much as possible, and why wouldn't he be? 

_Suppose all that went out the window the moment Colm O'Driscoll set foot anywhere near him after Ambarino_. 

Arthur stopped for a minute, carefully going over how he would respond in his mind. 

"I know it has, Kieran. I don't know what to do other than _I guess_ just keep fightin'." 

Kieran scoffed and looked away, the irritation and hopelessness visible in his face. 

"We didn't even have this many problems with _Colm_." he muttered, his brows furrowed in anger and frustration. 

He never brought up his time with the O'Driscolls like this. He didn't hesitate to voice his hatred for Colm whenever possible, but _this_? It sort of made Arthur mad, but strangely enough his anger wasn't directed towards Kieran or even O'Driscoll.... it made him angry at _Dutch_. 

At that thought, Arthur decided to truly speak his mind for the first time in quite awhile. 

"Look, Duffy, I know things are bad right now. Believe me, _I do_. But givin' up hope ain't gonna help anybody, so either stand up and do your part, or _leave_." 

Silence. The two of them were left staring each other down, both with unreadable expressions and neither one saying a word.

Kieran nodded to himself, sucking his teeth and rocking back a bit. 

"I thought you might say somethin' like that." 

The fire crackles. Smoke and embers drift and swirl up into the sky. He hadn't noticed before, but Kieran's face was littered with wrinkles that weren't there before, making him look a lot older than he actually was.

"You're _scared_ , Arthur."

His face softened into something sorrowful and dejected. His eyes, shining a bright baby blue from the light, shift towards the ground. 

"Never said I wasn't."

Kieran sighs, long and painful, and buries his face in his hands. 

Arthur struggles to find the words, let alone actually get them out, but in the end he does. 

"Kieran?" he prompted softly, waiting for him to look up, which he immediately does.

"We'll figure it out. _I promise_."

A few seconds go by. 

"Do you honestly think so?" he asked, silently pleading. 

"I do. You can help us figure it out."

He may had been trying to convince himself as well, but the trusting and hopeful look that flashed across Kieran's face was enough to make him feel better instantly. 

The two men sat together for hours. There were no more words, it wasn't needed. Just each other's company until the sun started to come up, the sky turning a beautiful shade of pink. And when the others started to wake up for the day and the two of them went their separate ways, they did so confident that things just might be alright after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm super proud of how this turned out! Feel free to leave any tips or feedback you may have. 
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


End file.
